I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
