If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize