I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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