you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
