shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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