theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
