I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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