Sry I called you an 8
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
