how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
