Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
