If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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