just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
