glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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