he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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