My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Actions speak louder than pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
