It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
