It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So much rum. So many feels.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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