As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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