Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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