Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Come see our sink grown plant.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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