My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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