you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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