I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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