i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
