I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
