Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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