I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
