Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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