I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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