I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
