He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's blow job season.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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