Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
