I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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