Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
