i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
