he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
