If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need a beard to bite.
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