It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
