RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
