I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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