Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
