I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
