ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
