Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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