Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
