Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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