On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
