why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
