i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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