Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
