Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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