i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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