All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?