I am midnight drunk by noon
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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