I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!