final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
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I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.