this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
