So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
