so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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