The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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