I hate your face
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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