You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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