Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
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Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize