You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
