Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
