i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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