im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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