my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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