those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
