i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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