Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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