I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
