Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
