Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
