I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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