and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
