you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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