LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
