Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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