thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
