i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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