wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
