my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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